In honor of our Walking Dead Fantasy League, which kicks off October 9th (so get your teams in!), we thought we’d better educate some of you on what NOT to do in the event of an actual zombie apocalypse. Hollywood tells us that all we need is an abandoned mall or pawn shop/gun store and a few good buffer friends (you know, people we wouldn’t feel too bad about feeding to the undead or taking out because they might be infected *wink, wink*) and we will be sure to survive while the rest of our whole city – or world . . . whatever – gets nom-nommed like a giant pack of Funyuns at a frat party. However, Hollywood . . .
There are a lot of important pointers that Hollywood neglects to tell you that you need to know in order to increase your survivability in the event of an actual zombie uprising.
1. DO NOT count on beer and snacks to get you through a zombie apocalypse. Party food is good for two or three hours at the most and then what? A zombie uprising could go on for months. You’ll already have undead people wanting to eat you. Add to that hangry living people who haven’t eaten in a few days and suddenly, you become the party snack.
2. DO NOT attempt to lead the zombies in a dance routine. Contrary to popular belief, they neither have rhythm nor do they follow choreography and even IF Michael Jackson also became zombified and they followed his lead, they’d only organize a dance to trick you into coming outside so they could eat you. Don’t fall for it.
3. DO NOT get sentimental and decide to keep your friend/family member instead of waxing him or her while you have the chance. Zombies make bad houseguests, for one. They’re loud, obnoxious, they smell bad, and there’s that little thing of them being evil and wanting to eat you. Plus, you have to keep them confined and constantly worry about them breaking free. Unless you have earplugs and endless amounts of tractor chain, it’s just not worth it.
4. For that matter, don’t keep your infected pets, either.
5. DO NOT be caught unprepared. Always have some sort of a plan in case of zombie attack. Sure, your friends and family may say you’re “nuts,” but who are they going to run to when the zombies show up in their living room?
The chances that you’ll survive a zombie apocalypse are, let’s face it, still pretty low. But, at least now you know what NOT to do and that’s worth something, isn’t it?